Vegetable Based Sarcasm

First off, there are for the most part two kinds of people.

1) Those that like artichokes, and
2) People that still live in the dark ages of eating paint chips and watching nascar, and,
3) Scott

So the question being, and its multi-part, so please use a #2 keyboard and reference your work on all problems

1) Do you steam the artichoke, or are you putting it directly in water and boiling it?

2) When you do whatever you do in #1, do you cut off the tops of the artichoke first, or leave the leaf tops attached?

3) When you are doing both #1 and #2, are you putting the artichoke stalk down or leaf top down?

For the sake of legal issues being addressed and liability, I am assuming you are cutting the stalk down to the base prior to cooking.

Bonus question, and its rhetorical:

4) Technically you don't have to boil or steam the artichoke, you can barbecue it, but since I have never done that, its like the moon landings, since I cant personally figure it out, thus, it must have never been possible. If you do barbecue it, please explain how to be awarded the bonus points.

Moving along:

Once cooked, what, if any are your condiments of choice

Typically this also falls into two basic camps

1) Mayonnaise, or
2) Melted butter

For the most part I vote for the mayonnaise. But I have some flexibility there.

If however, you use miracle whip for an artichoke, or for that matter anything else. Please seek immediate psychological help and do not go near sharp objects, petting zoos or anything flammable.