So I've been sick for a few days. Nothing major, just the yearly head cold thing. I went through a bottle of Nyquil and a few alka seltzer cold packets and not much helped.
I wasn't sick enough to go to the doctor, but enough that I would go to the store to get something a little stronger. Sudafed came to mind as something I once took that seemed to help. So off to Albertsons I go.
So far, so good.
I walk into the store, tired and with a headache but ready to make my fast easy purchase of an over the counter cold remedy (as seen on TV).
I get to the drug aisle only to find that most of the cold medicines are gone and in their place are little pieces of paper with a picture of the actual product on them. The sign says take this to the pharmacist to get it filled.
Huh ?, this is over the counter stuff, it doesn't need a pharmacist. Whatever, so I take the card to Mr. Chang the pharmacist. I figured he must be an actual pharmacist because he had a name tag and a white lab coat.
He looks at me and asks how old I am. I reply over 18. For the record, I am well past 18 and don't look anything even close to being 18. He asks for my driver's license as proof of age. Trust me, im over 18 I say. That doesn't work, I still need to show him my drivers license.
He asks how many boxes of Sudafed I have purchased in the last week. I reply, truthfully, none. Mr. Chang appears not to believe me. He asks how many boxes of Sudafed or similar medicine I have purchased in the past month. Again, I truthfully reply, none. He gives me the evil eye, but that's it. Evidently I've passed the first test.
He gets the actual pharmacist to come over and initial some form. He gets out another form and shoves it in front of me and says I need to fill it out. I ask why, cause I'm stoopid like that. He says I need to register as someone that is purchasing Sudafed or any other similar product. I say, seriously you're kidding right. Mr. Chang does not kid I find out. Mr. Chang is to sense of humor as Hillary Clinton is to Super Model.
I fill out the form. I print my name and sign my name. I initial in the box that says I am in fact me. Mr. Chang signs the form and initials in the box that says he asked me my age and verified that I am me based on my drivers license.
Mr. Chang gets the pharmacist to come over and sign the log and initial the box proving that Mr. Chang is in fact Mr. Chang and I am in fact me.
But wait, there's more.
He enters all this information in the computer. He prints something out. He files that something in the special box and staples the carbon copy of the form that we all signed and initialed to the something he prints out.
He actually gets the Sudafed out of a semi locked area behind the counter next to the real drugs that require an actual prescription and puts it in a bag. Mr. Chang staples the bag closed with the receipt. He initials the time and date that he stapled the receipt to the bag with the Sudafed in it.
He hands me the bag.
Because I have found this experience so entertaining, and such a valuable use of my time, I decide one more time on the humor route with Mr. Chang. I ask him since I can only buy one box, if I can buy 100 more for a friend that is sick and just got out of rehab for meth addiction, but has a bad cold...
Mr. Chang does not smile. Mr. Chang says no I can not. Mr. Chang says I am allowed to purchase one box of 24 easy-to-swallow Sudafed per week. Mr. Chang says I am now registered with all pharmacies nationwide that are under the jurisdiction of the Drug Enforcement Agency and that all purchases of Sudafed or similar product will now be on my permenent record.
I gasp, Not My Permenent Record. Oh Noes !!!!!111
As I walk away, I ask Mr. Chang if I can buy 11 kegs of beer and 42 quarts of cheep vodka for a party I am throwing at the local high school. Mr. Chang says he will call the liquor manager and see if they have that many kegs in stock.
I leave the store, one more victory in hand and a box of easy to swallow over the counter Sudafed, as seen on TV.