Cosmopolitan and vogue

Have you ever actually looked at the covers for cosmopolitan and vogue?

They send mixed messages.

First off, you are beautiful just the way you are, but just in case, here is a diet that you can lose 42 pounds by tomorrow by only eating cheesecake and watching Ellen.

And your smile lights up a room, take this test and we will guarantee you are perfect.  And as long as we are talking abut your teeth, damn, you need to whiten them.  What is wrong with you.

And of course this is the SEX, SEX AND SEX issue.  But we aren't allowed to go into detail about SEX. But if you look at page 69, we will tell you how to drive him / her wild in bed. Because of SEX. Because we know that sells so we print it a few times on every cover. SEX.

And of course all of our models are size zero or smaller.  Which really means all of the clothes we advertise are meant for them.  So I don't want you to feel bad, but you can never wear any of these things unless you take up meth.  Which luckily, our next issue covers how to lose 84 pounds in three days by eating organic soy sauce and doing meth.  Oh. And SEX.

Did you look at our cover.  It's of this really hot Hollywood actress type, that is wearing really hot fashions that cost 50 thousand dollars, and her hair and makeup was done for hours by a team of professionals, and we airbrushed and photoshopped any potential imperfection away.  But trust us, this could be you.  That is if you had a metric ass ton of money and were stupid famous And didn't have a job or kids and could afford plastic surgery.

And all the jewelry and watches and stuff they sell, yea, you can't afford it. None of it.

Oh, and next months issues has a bunch of stories on sex.